Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
