remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
