There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
