Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
