I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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