I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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