I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
