My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
