Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize