currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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