You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
