i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
