Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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