New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
