glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
