Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
