I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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