Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
