you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
