shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
