so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
