fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize