Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize