To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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