man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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