Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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