Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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