With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
