quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
