You made me cry and you don't even care
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
