she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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