bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
