We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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