Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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