Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
