(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
