The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
