I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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