he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
