Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to wash the frat house off of me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
