how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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