you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
