she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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