ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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