The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
