Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
