kristin has been a bad kristin
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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