We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
