I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
