My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
