I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
