Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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