How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i believe in u and ur pee
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