I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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