Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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