She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize