After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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