So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
