Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
