my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
