FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is Oprah even human
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
