How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a search helicopter?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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